Monday, May 7, 2012

Everything I need to know I learned at USU

Well, folks, life in Logan as we know it has come to an end, at least for a little while. I am moving out and moving on and moving east. I have one sole regret from my time in Logan. After two whole years and several awkward dating stories, I have yet to become a True Aggie. But that's alright, because I never made out with someone I didn't know, and I feel prouder of that than I feel sad I never got up on the A. All the peer pressure in the world failed to sway me. So there, every roommate I ever had.

In celebration of the last two years, shall we proceed to the Logan guide to Life? Compiled through my own experiences, here is a guidebook filled with wisdom. Feast....

 - The date stamped on the jug is only loosely correlated to the day the milk goes bad.
-Questionable milk never hurt anybody I know.
-Trespassing is often not as big a deal as everybody thinks.
- It's hard to stay mad at the roommate you serve.
-Cleaning your room the night before is a sanity preserver.
- If you take your wallet to Walmart, you will spend money.
- Don't be decieved by the corner of the grass by the FAC atrium that is always cleverly disguised as snow. It is really freezing liquid.
- The booter guys are the meanest humans in a hundred mile radius.
- Singles ward bishops are superhuman.
-When you are walking across seventh, the drivers are inconsiderate. When you are driving down seventh, the walkers are inconsiderate.
- Best friends are sometimes made in really odd places. Sometimes the boys shower will leak through your ceiling and it will be gross, but you will make friends with them so its worth it. 
-Seven degrees below zero isn't even a big deal.
- If it can't be fixed with a magic eraser, duct tape, or a phone call to mom, it can't be fixed.
- Doorbell ditching cookies is a favorable alternative to eggs and toilet paper.
- Snow Angels are better without shoes and coats.
- Don't look in the tupperware in the back of the fridge. Just don't. 
- Beto's has really large, cheap burritos.
-  The Ray B. West Poltergeist is a lot easier to handle when you learn to love him.
- The stairs outside the Family Life building are a deathtrap awaiting unsuspecting victims.
- If you are gonna lose something on campus, don't lose it in Old Main. There are twenty seven offices with lost and founds.
- If your phone goes off in Leiker's class, he will  bust a move.
- The fine line between sleep and studying is diet coke.
- Pancakes are better at three in the morning. So are old spice commercials.
-"Let's go for a walk" is code for "I'm breaking up with you."
- Stairs are dangerous. Proceed with caution.
- If they get you anyway, remember that the Doctors at the Health and Wellness Center don't know how much x-rays cost. Beware. 
- The cops hang out at the nunnery too. The blood spatters in the buildings are just paint.
-It cannot be a bad day if Eli is out yelling at Mormons.
- Date the boy who lives on the other side of the wall with extreme caution. That is a pretty high-risk/high- return situation.
- Cafe Rio has vanilla coke. Score.
- If you fall asleep in the library enough, people will start taking your picture. It might even make it into the Herald.
- Cafe Ibis in the hub has life preservers in the form of dollar bagels and cream cheese.
- Everyone has to take Biology from Vicki Rosen. Grit your teeth and ignore the animal pictures on reproduction day.
- The fraternity houses don't shovel their sidewalks, so wear boots.
-Work hard, play hard, and don't be afraid to have pizza delivered to the fourth floor of the Library.
- The white car parked on the road into the canyon is not a cop car. Keep speeding.
- Sometimes roommates suck. But mostly they will save your life. 
- Quote walls make life nine times more joyful.
-Four square isn't just for third graders anymore.
-Speaking of four square, Dial soap stays on black top for months at a time and as such, should never be used on your body. 
-Slack lining is way more fun over a pool.
-English majors don't have a dead week and a finals week. We have Finals week number one, wherein all final papers are due and sleep is not on the to do list, and Finals week number two, wherein  your hand will ache constantly from all that furious timed essay writing. Heads up. 
- Unhealthy as it may be, sometimes the only thing that will get you through Finals weeks 1 and 2 is an overabundance of diet coke. Just accept it and buy the twenty four pack.

I loved my life in Logan. It was a really difficult, exhausting, discouraging, confusing, wonderful, spontaneous, happy two years and I will miss it. But, as Anne Bogart would say, I "finished the sentence" and I am satisfied to say goodbye for a while.

So farewell, dear Logan, and try not to freeze over before I come back. mazeltov.

1 comment:

  1. Did the picture of you sleeping actually get into the newspaper there?!? If so, how do I get a copy?


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