Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A step on the Alpine Path

I really like my writing  class. And today I really liked it. Because we watched clips of UP which will make me smile on the worst days. Later on in class we were given five minutes to write a small anecdote about any random object we could think of in our lives, putting into it as much detail as possible without actually writing what the object was. Then we were supposed to read them to each other in groups. So I got done listening to Daniel's thing about being terrified of cookie monster when he was little (which was hilarious) and was reading mine (about the Troll Mascot we had back in Academic Team) and the teacher, wandering around, stopped in front of my desk and listened, then said, "That was really good. It's not like you are an English Major or anything, right?" I think he only pays attention to the stuff I write because I am the only English Major in the whole class, but still, he pays attention, and my ego has been fed with proverbial milk and honey and is satisfied. Maybe I don't actually suck at life. Now the question is, is there career potential in writing impromptu clever anecdotes?

For those of you who don't understand the title, read the Emily books. Then you can begin to enjoy life knowing you have read the essentials.

Ode to Elder Hansen

Best friend in High school Nate Hansen has been promoted to favorite missionary Elder Hansen. Because he is cool like that. He is in the MTC, giftoftongues-ing the place up. Seriously, he wrote me half a letter in Spanish on his fourth day there. Is that a normal learning Spanish rate? I think not.

Anyway, I got a letter from him yesterday and there may have been some skipping and yelling and dancing around my kitchen. So I have been thinking about him and how much I miss his whole self. Because he is really awesome. And a fabulous friend. And we had some really good times. Like the time..

- I had a stupid quick change between those scenes in Les Mis and he was the only person in the universe who could succesfully get me in or out of the old hag costume. (Which I had on over other clothes, in case some people out there were speculating about the appropriate level of clothing which people should wear in the presence of their opposite-sex friends)

- when he was driving me home from some place in the middle of the night and there was a spider on the windshield. Not a normal spider, but a huge hairy potentially flesh eating  aragog-esque spider. And he was driving so it was my job to deal with it. Especially when it moved up off the windshield and onto the roof of the car directly over Nate's head. So nate is driving and I am out of my seat trying to get the spider stuck in a cup or something but it is insanely fast and runs away and hides. So then we pull into my driveway and both crawl around the van for a while trying to find the hideous monster stuck in the car. we finally give up and he goes home and I go inside at the same time as my sister who teases me about that half hour in the rocking van. (Please. you know that because you were making out with your fiance in his car ten feet away. I was looking for a flesh-eating monster. Who's the innocent one here?)

-When Schmid named us Lucy and Ethel because we argue (lovingly) all the time and we wrote each other valentines from Lucy and Ethel on the concert choir valentine board.

-In the middle of the summer when I sat on his kitchen floor crying on his shoulder and he actually cared about my stupid issues.

- That time we went to the temple on a random Tuesday morning just cause we felt like it. Seriously the Best. Day. Ever. nothing beats it.

- That one time I watched a session of conference with his family and his parents came down at the end to find everyone asleep. You can bet I got a lot out of that session.

-That time I couldn't find my phone keys wallet backpack jumpdrive shoes brain sanity etc and he went all around the school finding my stuff then drove me home and made me stop crying and go to sleep.

Basically, he is awesome. And I really want it to be two years from now, right now. But letters are excellent as well, so life is great. And in the meantime, the people of Argentina will receive a heart of gold in the form of Elder Nathan Jeffrey Hansen. Official coolest person ever.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Death Machine of a Roller-Coaster

that is what life is. Only today I have been perfectly incandescently happy and excited, and also so freaked out I was sure I would never recover from the emotional trauma. And I still sort of feel both of those things, which is wierd. How is it possible to feel those two completely conflicting and extreme emotions at the same time? I am sure that such a concept breaks a few natural laws, but that is really sort of irrelevant, cause I feel that way anyway. And I choose to be okay with that. Because....

Here's the thing. Roller Coasters make me sick. Always. In varying degrees, yes, but sick indeed without fail. But anyone who's ever been to Lagoon/Disneyland/Knotsberry Farm with me knows that I go on them anyway. Because even if you get a little sick, there's nothing quite like the terror of knowing, knowing, that this time is the time the white roller coaster really will fall apart and kill everyone, and there's nothing quite like yelling "SPARTA!" all the way down Ghost-rider even if you do get a concussion on the way. So I guess my point is that life is really unpredictable and it is terrifying, and it really knocks you around a little bit and you might actually throw up, but in the end it's worth it. Because there's no point to an amusement park if you spend the whole time on the merry-go-round and watching everyone else take their life in their hands and have the time of their lives doing it. 

"Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." Don't ask me who said that, I don't know. But I stand by it anyway. Cause life is terrifying and traumatic, and someday the white roller coaster will fall apart and kill everybody, and I could very well be on it when it happens. But I'll take all the nausea (and maybe death) with no hesitation and no regrets as long as I get to keep riding the roller-coasters. 

Monday, January 24, 2011

Cross your fingers and hold your thumbs... muster up some luck for the following items in my life.

1 yet another job making pizza. I am pretty sure there are better jobs in the world, but I was past caring about ninety years ago. call me back, manager!
2 math test that isn't happening for another week and a half. which doesn't matter because I dreamed about it for the third time last night. actually, that one could be classified as a nightmare.
3 letter from Nate! write me! 
4 Brighton Counseloring! hire me!
5 English Scholarship! Good news- my English professor told me today that I had a good chance of getting one cause I was on the Dean's List last semester. Please a thousand times please.

Call me crazy for making wishes over railroad tracks, but I believe in such things. Superstitions are just another way of sending out some "please! Please! PLEASE!" vibes to the universe in general.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Diet Coke

it's good stuff. also, don't get addicted. also, always drink it with lime if you possibly can. also, lemon is the second best and just normal is also amazing. also, on a completely different note, math is kicking my butt, not because I can't do it or understand it (which is not the problem half of the time). It simply sucks all the fun out of my life. because as soon as you get one done, there's another class and another assignment due the day after that. but it's okay, cause diet coke helps me through.

I promise that I am really a lot more stable than this makes me sound. except the times when we break  out the brown paper bag. then I am not really stable at all. but that's also okay, cause hyperventilating isn't as bad as it sounds either.

goodnight. never land. this is where I put on pajamas and do math homework with some diet coke.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

My Faith in Humanity has been restored.

You know why? Today I was walking past the library on my way home from class, and some random man I have never seen in my life stops me and asks me if I am okay. I said I was fine and he explained that my eyes were red and watery and he was worried I was crying. I wasn't crying, but I guess maybe my face hasn't recovered from yesterday's teary meltdown. ( which is disappointing in the extreme) Anyway, I said thanks, he patted my arm and went on his merry way and I continued on mine, but I felt better. Before the random guy showed up, I wasn't crying, but I felt like I might. And then a total stranger demonstrated genuine concern even though stopping someone you don't know might seem taboo in most situations. And suddenly I didn't even feel like crying anymore.

Way to go, random guy.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Unwritten Rules

So sometimes I feel like college is less about classes and jobs and papers and more about the art of social norms and unwritten rules. There are a lot of those. I am learning that there is an ettiquette to lots of things I had no idea about. For example, blogging. Apparently, people get annoyed when blogs are used as journals. So here's some news.

I think I might be one of those really annoying people who blogs all the time. Thing is, I am not really sure why those people are annoying. Who makes up those unwritten rules? Most of the unwritten rules of this life are things I abide by religiously. But this one... meh. I choose not to in this case. Besides, I'm not making anyone read the thing, right?

You know that old commercial with the guy who wants to wear the same shirt two days in a row? "I just found a loophole in an unwritten rule." Well, this is not a loophole. I simply choose to smash the loophole under the heel of my big fat, over-used blog. Happy reading!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Commentary on some stupid things

1. Jeggings. For those of you lucky people who don't know what these are, jeggings are the term for leggings worn by themselves (like jeans, hence the j) Let's be clear, girls. These DO NOT count as pants. the end.
2. People (mostly girls, but with the occasional guy thrown in) who are so completely concerned ahem obsessed with looking fashionable that they completely disregard the fact that it is seven degrees below freezing, also known as "butt-snappin' cold!" The other day I saw this girl from my choir class walking in front of the library wearing what can only be described as hot pants with the seam ripped out. Her shoes were some Jimmy Choos imitation with nine inch heels, and she had on a short sleeved jacket. To complete the ensemble, a stunning pair of nice warm tights.... wait, no. She wasn't wearing any! This girl has a mile of exposed leg and it is january! Get a grip (and some clothes).
3. That is all. I feel better. 

Thursday, January 13, 2011

breathe amy breathe

I secretly may be having a heart attack. You remember last semester when I had a mental breakdown and then threw it up all over the internet for you all to enjoy? well. Here we are again, not because I don't think I can do it. There's no way I am failing, we are safe.

But I had this realization today. What if I just don't want to do it? Cause really, I want to be in college and I know that I am where I should be. But it's like that whole thing where you know this will be good for you and you know that you need to but you just don't want to write the stupid essay, or do the stupid math assignment. (Never fear, mamacita, I did all the stupid assignments anyway)  I was dreaming about blackboard last night (raise your hand if you're a geek) and I woke up and thought. I need to sign up for English 2010 so that I can apply to work in the writing center next semester. Quick, Amy! So I actually got up and got my computer (which means I leaned over and picked it up, then used it while I was laying in bed) , got into banner, and found an open 2010 class. And then I saw that it was at 7 freaking thirty in the a.m. And I thought, no way. It's not happening, Jose. I just don't want to!

So here's my beef with my own stupid self about this.
- One. Why don't I want to go to class, specifically a writing class? It's just my major. This is a problem.
-Two. Why the heck am I suddenly as lazy as those space-traveling wierdos in Wall-e? Remember high school when I spent sixteen hours a day at school on a regular basis cause I wanted to? And I was in early morning seminary and went to school at six thirty every morning. And had a job. And I was so stressed I wanted to throw up and sometimes I would lose track of everything and Nate would have to come find me, get my stuff, wipe my tears, take me home, and tell me to go to sleep. And I was actually super happy. Here we are in college. My earliest class is at nine-thirty and I sometimes don't even wake up until like nine and then go to class in sweats. I can't find a job, which makes me feel like crap cause what if I am just not looking hard enough? I turned into one of those people I swore I would never be.
- Three. That is really wasteful. Right now I am at fourteen credits, but we have a plateau for tuition which means that as long as I am a dork freshman moocher who can't find a job, do I really have the right not to take that class when it doesn't cost anything more than what I (and by I, I mean other people with money who love me) already paid? mmm.... Not really. Does that mean I am going to go sign up for the seven freaking thirty in the a.m. class? That remains to be seen. Which makes me want to say, in the words of one Katie Johnson, " Am I a bad person? Probably."

Crap. I really should.
This is the part where I stop throwing up my panic/insecurities and go do homework and suck it up. Cause there's this whole responsible adult thing we are going for here, and I don't quite think what I am doing qualifies.

I need chocolate.

Katie Johnson

1) You're great.
2) You talked in your sleep last night- I think you were dreaming about shoes.
3) What happened to that courting that was supposed to go down today? He has no idea, does he?
4) Please freak out tomorrow before your date as much as you did when you told me about it. It was priceless.
5) Make me stop drinking diet coke. The withdrawls are getting worse. Not really, you never would.
6) You should blog again.
7) You're great. again.

the girl with that nickname we use that I don't think I should ever put on the internet

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I dare you.

Listen to Accidentally in Love and/or Sweet Home Alabama
Do Zumba with your roommates and then go running in Logan in January uphill
get large amounts of stuff done
drink diet coke and eat a parfait
realize your roommate owns that book you were dangerously close to spending sixty dollars on
do a whole math assignment without going to class, without help, and without crying
get an email with a bunch of pictures of your favorite person
watch Inception for Movie Monday
Dream about Inception and wake up feeling intensely profound
find out one of your classes doesn't ever meet on Fridays

Do even one of those things and tell me life isn't great.

You can't.

Can I get you some Lemon Juice for that cut?

I went to bed last night with blisters on both hands from my snow shovel. Fine. Whatever. However, when you rip one open on the edge of a table in class, it stops being fine. And it really stops being fine when, with the (accidental) aim of a professional knife-thrower, you give yourself a nice deep cardstock cut within the boundaries of the now open blister.

That sucked. That's all I really wanted to say.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

New Years Resolutions. Ish.

Here is my beef with new years resolutions. The bridge between december and january does not exactly feel like a transition significant enough for the whole world. Why don't we have start of the school year resolutions? Anyway, so I was thinking that even though I don't really ever make any New Years Resolutions, I have no objection to making some start of term resolutions. I already have a bunch of goals written down semester by semester, but I came up with some new stuff.  So, I found out today that I got on the Dean's List last semester, (which only requires like a 3.6 or something so really its not that cool) and I think that is a trend that needs to continue. Mostly because anything less than a 3.6 makes me hyperventilate a little bit. Also, the goal for the semester is to find a job. This goal seems somewhat promising. I have high hopes. And lastly, while I was home for Christmas this man in my ward taught sunday school and shared a challenge given by someone important who I can't remember right now to read the book of mormon three times in three months. And he is doing it. Now, that seems insane to me because I was the loser who never finished march madness even once, but I think that I will make it a goal to at least do the whole book of mormon in a month thing. I made a deal with myself. I will read the entire book of mormon this month, and if, at the end of the month, I am still jobless ( please no!) I must and will continue for the whole quarterly reading marathon. This is a high standard. Sort of presumptuously ambitious. It is kind of exciting to take on big projects that kill you until you get up and kick their butt. So here goes another one. Happy spring semester everybody.

Into the breach once more. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

Saturday, January 8, 2011

you know what sucks hardcore?

when you have cellulitis IN YOUR FACE! this infection at the cellular level thing kind of freaks me out, because it hurts. a lot. and it spreads. fast. you would think I would be used to this by now right? let me tell you, here we are on number four and while it is less unsettling than it once was, there are also some things that are worse. Like how this time around it is in my face (which I am sure you all noticed when I wrote it really big), which means that even when it isn't active or spreading, it feels like I have a sinus headache all the time, and when it is active and spreading, (like right now), it makes me feel carsick all the time on top of all the other crap. Anyway, long story short, my face hurts and I sure hope that those four types of antibiotics I am starting today work fast. Because IVs suck. And as I am already bruised from that girl fishing around in my arm with a needle yesterday, I'd like to avoid all that.

The point: Don't use stage makeup that causes chronic staph infection. Ever. Three years later, here you are still choking down nine different pills and desperately avoiding IV's.

Sorry if anybody is grossed out. My bad.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Holiday Hater with Results

I am pleased to say that the whole concerted effort to be jolly this year has, in some measure, succeeded. I did things a little differently and it was probably the calmest most christmasy christmas i have had in a long time. Life changing alterations were as follows.
- I stayed in my pajamas all day and watched movies with my family instead of freaking out and trying to clean up all the stuff everybody left everywhere. Letting go of control is getting slightly easier. Of course, the next day, all signs of Christmas minus the decorations were gone. ( I am less ashamed than perhaps I should be to report that I openly used both vacuums for a long period of time on a Sunday. My stormy soul was much calmer afterwards, so I chalk it up to keeping the sabbath day holy.)
- I only cringed slightly when my parents listened to the Christmas station the whole way home from Logan. Instead, I chose not to let my blood pressure rise and instead sang rap songs to myself in my head. (Which seems entirely scrooge-esque, I know. But I have given up on ever liking Christmas Music to the perhaps unhealthy amount that my family seems to enjoy it, and I will count myself successful if I am able to go on happily with life without screaming.)
- I went to Midnight Mass with Amy and Mark and Daniel. I have always wanted to go to Midnight Mass (like a good little mormon) and it was on the high end of the really awesome scale. I will be doing that again. (If I go to Mass on Christmas and Easter, can I be mormon AND Catholic?)
- I actually started saying Merry Christmas to people I saw in Walmart and those people I gave pizzas to while I was at work, and you know what? It was merry. Saying it is magic.

Overall, I feel that my anti-scrooge/grinch efforts have been rewarded and successful in some measure. More to follow next year. Maybe I'll hang up mistletoe or something and sing reindeer songs if this goes on long enough.

my best friend is THE best friend

- he fixed the passenger side sun visor in his car because I was getting headaches and got really excited about surprising me with it.
- he was really nice about it when i broke his screen door with my face. (see previous post)
- he made me chicken soup when i was sick
- that time my sister was in the er and i was at home with matthew freaking out and he and sarah left school early and came and stayed with me.
- he bought me goldfish
- he let me use his locker for a whole year so i wouldn't have to walk all the way to j hall where i had no classes.
- he gets really, really, unusually a lot, excited about the old big big loaders set. we played with it for three hours. in junior year of high school. did i feel like i was five years old? yes. was it one of the most fun three hours i have ever spent? absolutely.
- i punched him in the face and he got over it.
- he was really nice about the whole awkward falling scene in Nickleby, which was slightly uncomfortable for me and infinitely more uncomfortable for him.
- we get each other really good birthday presents, for example, a day at Lagoon. which was awesome both times. expensive and dang worth it.

anyway. Justin, way to be awesome.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

here's where we talk about my total lack of creativity

hey, everyone,  I hate my blog! it is the kind of boring that spawned jigsaw puzzles. I keep trying to change it to something clever and witty, and creative, and artistic, and just dang cool all at once. Not even one of those five criteria are really coming through. At all. Not even a little bit. Zero fun, sir. Less fun than football camp, which is hard to do.* So here's my question for the cosmos!  Why can't i just be interesting? Isn't there some genius catalyst floating around in limbo that needs a home? I am willing to take that on. I'd just like to be capable of some witty repartee, some clever idea that changes the world or at least my own self, at the very least an interesting blog design. Is that too much to ask? The only conclusion provided by my currentlysuckeddryofanyoriginalthought brain is that I should listen to mozart while i sleep. Because experts say, mozart makes babies smarter! ** anyway. ranting done. nothing is really the matter, i just felt like having a shout. (cowabunga)***

* kudos to anybody who caught the denzel washington reference.
** yet another incredible movie. hehe.
*** Only really special people know that movie, and only really really special people caught the double media reference. (english comedy and ninja turtles.)

I just realized that I might possibly maybe be a movie buff ahem freak. if I watch less tv will my creative abilities return, perhaps? we can (only hope). name that movie.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

for the tab's sake

this blog is for one sole purpose. it is now 2011 and i need a 2011 tab on the blog archive.
So some things on my minds lately:

Amy is great. best twin ever.
Matthew is great. Best nephew ever.
three fifteen am comes way too fast.
completely random. but blogs that are just one line seem to be a waste of space. not that there is some space limit on blogging. But it's that whole needing to fill up the space thing that is sort of the same as when you are driving and you take the long way around as opposed to taking the short way that is clogged with traffic and sitting still the whole time. It takes the same amount of time, but if I am moving, I feel like I am getting something done. Call me crazy. You'll be right. Happy new years and goodnight.

(that rhymed. yes, I am a champion.)