Tuesday, June 21, 2011

On a scale from "mildly annoying" to "I'm gonna maim you with your own credit card"

Most people who buy pizza fall somewhere to the less extreme side, but there is the occasional customer who scores up on the less pleasant but far more interesting side. The stories I could tell! (and I'm going to. brace yourselves.)

- There is the family who regularly comes in and argues about which pizzas to buy. During this process, they yell, let kids loose behind the make lines while we chase them out again, block the counter where everyone else is trying to order pizza, and interrupt at least three other people in mid sentence so they can ask me if I have more coupons for them*. On a good day, it takes them ten minutes. On a bad day, well, let's not talk about it. 

- The woman who flirts with Kevin. Good thing he is married and also oblivious.
" She was flirting with me? what?"
"Uhh, she was rubbing your arm."

- That one guy who who puts out his cigarette on the brick outside the door and then orders pizza with his still slightly smoking cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Only when the old lady with the oxygen tank came in and I turned my eye daggers* up from simmer to scorching level did he take a hint and get out. 

- The ones who don't know how EBT cards work.
"My husband took the card, but I have the pin number. Is that okay?"
"I have to have the card to charge it to the card."
"Why? I have the pin number."
" Sorry, I have to swipe the card or the pin doesn't do anything."
Sweeping out angrily. "Fine. If you won't do it."
I wonder, does she really think it's a matter of "won't"?
If you don't have the card, I. can't. charge it to the card.

- The woman who pays with money she retrieves from between her boobs every time. Be it cash, card, or coupon, her method of payment is unfailingly warm and moist. She thinks she is all sneaky about it, too. Even if you turn around and pretend to be looking at the menu, it's hard to hide that you're fishing around in there. And if your cup size is double E, I'd say it is impossible.  But I've learned to keep my gloves on when she pays for pizza, so it's okay.

*Collectively, all the people who try to get you to discount their pizza without coupons, or yell at me because I don't have coupons to give out at the register, I can't stand.  You wouldn't believe how many people have asked me if they can use my employee discount. Seriously.

*while I am required to speak politely and act accommodatingly to all customers, there are, thankfully, no guidelines on eye daggers. 

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