Thursday, October 13, 2011

real mature!

Sometimes, I get frustrated with people who don't give a crap about anybody. Cause if you don't care about anybody, what the heck are you here for? I especially get frustrated when people stop caring even though they used to. If you don't care, just say that. Don't string me along with flowers, chocolates, or promises you don't intend to keep. Cause I am a little worse for the wear at this point and I'd like to preserve some shred of self-respect.

You know the principle of least interest? aka, whoever has the least interest in the situation holds all the power, because they determine what level of relationship actually happens. Here's my beef with that. It has been a good long while since I have been the one on the least interested side of that equation. I feel like all the time I want so much to have good relationships with people who just don't care that much about me, even if they say they do. Minus the family. They are wonderful. But most of my other relationships include a whole lot of me waiting for the other party to contribute.

It wasn't always like that. What does that say about me? Maybe I just have really awful self-esteem and thus surrender the power in all of my relationships subconciously. Just once, can I not be the one who takes whatever you feel like giving me? Better yet, could there not be a power play? Can I go back to the days where my friendships included two halves of a loving, caring, "I really enjoy spending time with you" sort of a relationship? I miss feeling like an equal.

I don't want to play anymore. That is all. 

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