Yesterday at the relief society thing when we were making soup and it didn't ever get thick, and I was freaking out a little bit, Katie told me not to panic and this is now my motto. (I keep wanting to put an exclamation point on it but then it looks like I am panicking.) I have said that to myself about a billion times already in the past two days since I made it my motto. Like when I realized that I somehow missed the memo and didn't even know we were doing extra credit in my Religious Studies class today. I said to myself, "Self. Don't panic. You don't really need extra credit." ( Really, even though I don't ever really need it, I am kind of a freak about extra credit. Who doesn't want 110 percent in every class? ) And then I realized that my credit card had twenty dollars more on it than I thought it did. While I was panicking and thinking somebody stole my credit card, I told myself not to panic and then realized that it was just the power bill I forgot to put in my check register. We're fine. The great thing is that most things I panic about, I realize I didn't really need to panic.
But the great thing is that I am learning not to panic even when things could be a legitimate reason for panicking. Like when I looked at my grade in Creative Arts and it was a D. And I panicked. And then I told myself not to panic like I've been doing a lot, and Katie told me that Sean had a D last year and went and talked to Dr. Ballam and it was fine. So I am having an emailing party with the professor and it is fine. Or when I think about how I can't find a job and even if I do Brighton over the summer that is not even enough money to come back to College and how I really hate that I didn't pay for this year myself and I start hyperventilating a little bit because I am terrified that I will never ever be able to just pay for my own life like normal humans do. Then I tell myself not to panic because Heavenly Father is in charge and I paid my tithing. So really if I keep doing my best, life will work out.
Katie told me about this game she plays that goes perfectly with the no panicking game. It's called, "What's the worst that could happen?" Her chain ended in death, but " then I'm covered." went next, so really anything that happens will be okay. I like this game. I was thinking today about all the situations in my life where the worst that could happen actually did happen and I lived and I'm fine, and everything is okay. Because no matter what happens, you keep breathing. Sometimes with difficulty, but you breathe. And you get through it. Because everybody can take a whole lot more than they think they can. A lot of the time we deal with things we never thought we could live through, mostly because you just don't have a choice. And you do your daily affirmations in the morning and remind yourself that life is great even if sometimes the worst that can happen really does happen. Sometimes life is great because the worst that can happen really does happen, and great stuff happens because of that thing you didn't think you could handle.
Long story short, have a meltdown and then keep breathing. It's okay.